Just......

Still missing you like hell... even after more than two years or so....goddamit !!

But tonight I'm gonna renounce...for real...and forever..

I do not care if I ever meet you in future, or even in this month....

If you want me in your life, you gotta work hard, work real hard to win my heart over...


And finally...if it's meant to be, it will be, or else, just let it be....God knows it all, and I leave everything to Him now; I will just wish him a terse new year.

Goodbye.


P.S: This is for him:

हजारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी कि हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमाँ, लेकिन फिर भी कम निकले

डरे क्यों मेरा कातिल क्या रहेगा उसकी गर्दन पर
वो खून जो चश्म-ऐ-तर से उम्र भर यूं दम-ब-दम निकले

निकलना खुल्द से आदम का सुनते आये हैं लेकिन
बहुत बे-आबरू होकर तेरे कूचे से हम निकले

भ्रम खुल जाये जालीम तेरे कामत कि दराजी का
अगर इस तुर्रा-ए-पुरपेच-ओ-खम का पेच-ओ-खम निकले

मगर लिखवाये कोई उसको खत तो हमसे लिखवाये
हुई सुबह और घर से कान पर रखकर कलम निकले

हुई इस दौर में मनसूब मुझसे बादा-आशामी
फिर आया वो जमाना जो जहाँ से जाम-ए-जम निकले

हुई जिनसे तव्वको खस्तगी की दाद पाने की
वो हमसे भी ज्यादा खस्ता-ए-तेग-ए-सितम निकले

मुहब्बत में नहीं है फ़र्क जीने और मरने का
उसी को देख कर जीते हैं जिस काफिर पे दम निकले

जरा कर जोर सिने पर कि तीर-ऐ-पुरसितम निकले
जो वो निकले तो दिल निकले, जो दिल निकले तो दम निकले

खुदा के बासते पर्दा ना काबे से उठा जालिम
कहीं ऐसा न हो याँ भी वही काफिर सनम निकले

कहाँ मयखाने का दरवाजा 'गालिब' और कहाँ वाइज़
पर इतना जानते हैं, कल वो जाता था के हम निकले

That's it...!!!

Yeah,that's it...!! I've had enough. Can't take it any more. I guess it's time to move on.

Perhaps it never was, and it was never meant to be. I don't know why I have been blind to the one who cares for me, and that too not just for one or two days, or weeks, or even months, but it's almost gonna be an year now. I have been ignoring him all this while, perhaps even giving him a good ol' cold shoulder many a times, but I don't know why he still thinks of me. Why does he wants to see me happy ?? We are gonna meet soon, and I hope he really has no hopes from me, 'coz I don't know whether I will do justice to any guy now. I really don't know. I don't know how to trust one.

And as for the one whom I wanted, let him go to hell now. He will have to prove a lot now if he wants it all to be the same again..perhaps it'll be too difficult. I don't know. The ice has formed, and it is not going to thaw easily; I wonder if it'll thaw at all. I have cried enough...now he is the one who is going to cry. The west has conquered, the east just lost some ground. That spineless creed just got a new member.

You have lost it now,_ _

Whateva..

Its gonna be almost two years now...still not sure whether I have got over it by now or not...

I'm just numb, and perhaps angry right now...

So many unanswered questions...so many unasked questions...

Eyes swelling with water...eyes all dried up forever...

Still believing...belief all gone, never to return again...

Knew that it was for real...don't know now whether it even existed...

Then-both knew but never spoke...Now-speaking, but neither knows...

Don't know what to say next...can't write anymore..

Bbye

Just another one

Hii..!!

This is gonna be short..real short..

I am missing someone like hell right now, and I don't know how to say it - whether to him, or this fact to anyone else on this planet. I don't know if I'll ever say it to him before he says it to me ( I wonder if he'll ever say it to me, or whether he even feel that way for me..sigh..!! ). But I'm really want him to be with me right now, or at least talk to me, or even chat...I really really wanna...missing u, my love, badly.. :( where art thou..?? kahan kho gaye ho tum..?? please come...

( I don't know any better words to put it, so can't really turn it into a piece of poetry or something..so this is it !!)

love ya, my sweetheart...

New Year Wishes

A Very Happy New Year to all !!

Yeah, I know it's a bit late for wishing, but the warmth of the wishes, I guess, is still there. It's just that I did not feel happy enough over the turning of a calender page, and sharing that happiness with every Tom, Dick & Harry in my Facebook friend list. I wonder why people go bonkers over getting a new calender...I mean I am hardly able to fathom why that Uncle Scrooge, who lives down the street, is suddenly super happy to spend close to a fortune (well, at least to the evergreen 'I-am-short-of-cash-at-the-moment' type people like me, it is a fortune :P) on just a bunch of bottles filled with a funny & bitter tasting liquid, and some fancy sounding food....and why in a party some complete strangers, who have never met before, and will, I guess, never again, hug each other and shout like madmen when the purposedly switched off lights suddenly come back a moment later at 12. I guess I'm sounding like a dear ol' pessimist. But I am not. It is these people only who are. They only are the ones who will criticize the authority & blame the government for the all the things (mostly bad), which they see around them, and will never ever give a penny to that waif by the footpath. This time I was simply shocked to see the amount of money people spend on these new year parties, not only in India, but all over the world !! Wish they could just give a tiny fraction of that amount to the needy. I really wish they do !! If I were earning, I would have done, and I know I will when I will have enough bucks in my pocket !! All this was enough to put me off the 'New Year Spirit', and so here I am- a fortnight late ! (Sometimes I think I live in too ideal a world !!) Anyways, with new year comes new wishes...and new resolutions. I have already decided upon and broken the latter [:P], and so it is only the wishes I can ask for. Well, I don't really know what to wish for.....the 'I-wish-all-the-best-things-for-all-the-people-on-this-earth' kind of wishes are not really me- I won't be really honest if I'll be asking for good grades for the girl who has, since childhood, been jealous of me, or if I ask for good health and long life for all the criminals and rapists on this planet, so that they may carry on with their noble and pious deeds for ages. So I have decided to be a bit selfish and wish only to myself. I wish myself all the good health so that I am able to work harder and get better grades, and accomplish all that I have always aimed for ( and I'm neither a criminal or a rapist, I assure u !! :P ), professionally, and make my parents proud of me. I wish myself all the happiness in life, so that I may pass it on to as many people I can, and in all the ways I can. I wish myself a lot of money, so that I may be able to give it someone who really needs it and not be a mute spectator when he/she needs it the most. I wish myself all the strength of mind, body and spirit so that I am able to be myself when the entire world is doubting me and my dreams, and not let down the few who had believed in them, and yes, I wish that all the best things in this world happen to a certain person I know, even though we haven't talked since ages. I know I can be real selfish and can carry on wishing all the good things myself for hours, but I guess I will stop now. All this monologue has made me real hungry and I guess I will catch up some snacks.

Bye for now.



(P.S : I have been trying to get this tray registered, and they have given me this code which requires to be posted along with my mindless chatter. So here it is - UC2YXSHGQVXN )

Time Travel

This was supposed to start a long time back, but for some reason or the other, I always put it off, though the change (or rather shift) of time has not done much to change the general mood, so it really doesn't matter much. It's just that I now can't keep the things inside me, and so this is it. Well, nothing deep or grave...I was just thinking about the human tendency to go back in time and remember the 'good ol' times' (and I am NOT even remotely referring to the new show based on past life regression,which is the latest 'hot' thing on television these days). I have been in such a state of mind for quite some time now (you can say months) and have now begun to wonder if others also are, at least at some point in their life. The memories simply refuse to leave me. I don't know why, but I still think of those days- bright summer days spent in gay abandon(well..not really-deadlines were to be met;but yes, definitely with a lot of fun)in a secluded place, dotted with loads of eucalyptus trees with as many antennas, and situated right near one of the most crowded cities of the country. I don't know why I go back to those days-is it because of the novelty of the kind of work I did, or the people whom I met there ? Probably both...seriously don't know. Whatever it is, I simply can't forget that magical one month; maybe these social networking sites are also to be blamed- they simply can't let you forget a person whom you want to forget the most. Just when you think you are fine and fresh and raring to go, thinking that you have convinced yourself with great effort that it simply was not meant to be ( just shoot the distance in between !!), the memories come back to haunt you. And you cannot even ignore them- those wonderful lime smelling, breezy, starry-eyed memories. You will not forget them in your entire lifetime. I wonder if it is like this with everyone. I don't know why God forgot to make the delete key (perhaps He was too boggled down and foggy eyed after six days of the hard work of creation). I wonder how people erase it all. I wonder if it even happens with other people. If anyone has succeeded in making that extra key in his/her keyboard, please let me know.

Bye for now.